Do you know anyone catching Frank's Reading Festival set?

[Bemused_Boyfriend]

Hi. I'm afraid I have a horrible confession to make. (looks around furtively, then turns back and whispers from behind his hand): I like, and have liked for longer than I care to remember, the music of a band called the Libertines.

I know... I know...

Luckily my girlfriend is not entirely beyond redemption, and she is a righteous and holy Frank Turner fan.

Now you may or may not know this, but it transpires that the timings of Frank's Reading set this year may well clash with an appearance by the Libertines. This presents me with a fairly sizeable problem; namely that I am being threatened with all manor of drastic consequences if I don't forgo the Libertines tuneless racket and trot dutifully along with my one true love to hear Frank sing us "our song" (s).

On the face of it, this decision should be simple. Opt for honest ballads from a politically sound folk singer/songwriter, and keep happy the single and sole target of every affection I affect.

However, as I see it, the wonderful Frank Turner seems a hale, hearty and well chap possessed of rude health, whereas I find that on the other hand Mr Pete Doherty often seems to look like he might keel over from a severe case of pallid complexion at any moment. This leaves me a little worried that if I don't catch the Libertines at Reading, I may never have the chance to see them again should the said grey-hued guitarist shuffle off this coil. (Or if him and Carl decide to break up again.)

An impass has been reached with the woman who is both the princess of my heart, and the only one trusted to advise me on my choice of undergarments of a morning. What's to be done? She is insisting that, at 27 years of age, she is much too young to be able to simultaneously stand on top of some grass and underneath some canvas all at the same time, at least not all by herself. Which means she feels she can't do without my (admittedly significant) competence in the field of standing in fields, and face on her own for an hour or so the admittedly scary prospect of being around Frank and his big group of terrifyingly cheerful Frank-fans.

As troubling as this is, I really can't risk losing the relationship. I honestly do love her very much - she is funny, full of life, up for adventure, caring and compassionate, and (let's be completely honest here) an extremely attractive young woman.

So here is my plea: Is there anyone who can help save our future together by providing my wife-to-be (well, she will be if I get to see the Libertines) with a little human company for the duration of Frank's set.

I would think that, ideally, the perfect candidate would be Frank himself. So if you are reading this, Frank, could I cheekily ask whether you would be willing to give Carly a backstage pass (and maybe a big sweaty rock-star hug after the gig), in order to make up for having such a caddish drop-kick of a boyfriend. If you could do this for me, then it is quite possible that she might, in her excitement, completely forget about my existence for a short time, thereby saving her much pain.

If Frank doesn't come through, then I'm frankly willing to entrust her to anyone who isn't either Hannibal Lecter or Anne Widdecombe. I'm sure Carly would like a strapping, well built, thirty-something gentleman of means, with good breeding, three-day stubble, private jet and a collection of fine wines carried in a holster. However, ideally I reckon she'd probably be happiest with a small group of friendly 20 or 30-somethings who will keep her company and help her to sing along to "Peggy Sang the Blues."

If there is anyone who can help, please do let me know; my future happiness rests in your hands. Maybe I'll see you at Reading. Assuming I haven't been badly maimed or even killed in the meantime, of course.

Many thanks,

Mark, devoted life companion to Carly (give or take an hour here and there.)

[frank]

Hi Mark. Can't sort backstage passes, but I'm about 95% sure they organise the times so no one clashes with the main stage headliner.

[Evan]

I'm about 95% sure they organise the times so no one clashes with the main stage headliner.

I am pretty there is an overlap, but the side stages finish first so you can catch the main stage hits or whatever.

[_rebekka_]

Hahaha great post Mark! I totally enjoyed reading this!

I will be there with some other friends. Unfortunately I am not a strapping, well built, thirty-something gentleman of means, with good breeding, three-day stubble, private jet and a collection of fine wines carried in a holster. But I would say we are a friendly group of people and we always love to meet new people so Carly is very welcome to join us for Frank's set especially if we can save your relationship with that!

[marowak]

I've been to may Festivals with my other half and we have very different music tastes and spend many nights watching different acts and then meeting up after.

I dont think there is anything wrong at all about saying to your GF that you want to see the Libs and if she wants to see Frank then that is fine.

If your relationship continues she cant expect you to be there every single minute of her life ...

[Pete]

I fit the bill.

Pics?

[Evan]

I fit the bill.

Pics?

hahaha...

[Pete]

Not sure if you're laughing at the pics request or me describing myself as strapping / of good breeding... or both!

[frank]

Not sure if you're laughing at the pics request or me describing myself as strapping / of good breeding... or both!

Definitely both.

[Evan]

Not sure if you're laughing at the pics request or me describing myself as strapping / of good breeding... or both!

Definitely both.

...and the idea that you would actually escort someone to see Turner.

[Pete]

Frank - I'm hurt. You've visited Trowbridge enough to know just how high quality the breeding is there...

Evan - I've no idea what you mean. I think my wife will be hugely appreciative when we rock up as I introduce her to the pretty young girl (tbc: awaiting pics) we're knocking around with for the evening.

[Evan]

Frank - I'm hurt. You've visited Trowbridge enough to know just how high quality the breeding is there...

Evan - I've no idea what you mean. I think my wife will be hugely appreciative when we rock up as I introduce her to the pretty young girl (tbc: awaiting pics) we're knocking around with for the evening.

"Here's a friend for you - I'm off to get shitted".

[Pete]

Wait - I'm planning on doing that with Dani, then heading off with you!

[Evan]

Yeah, like that's going to fly. Would probably depend on if we are driving I would have thought.

[skhmmxi]

...if I don't forgo the Libertines tuneless racket and trot dutifully along with my one true love to hear Frank sing us "our song" (s)...

...She is insisting that, at 27 years of age, she is much too young to be able to simultaneously stand on top of some grass and underneath some canvas all at the same time, at least not all by herself...

Mark,

I appreciate you can't necessarily see this, but it's clear from these two sentences that it's not about her seeing frank. It's not even about her seeing frank with company, either. She wants to see frank with you. That's important to her.

Let me put this bluntly for you: Suck it up and sack off The Libertines and go make seeing frank at Reading the perfect evening for Carly, or get ready to fire up your Tinder account.

Hope this helps.