10 years ago - a post about mental illness

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marowak
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10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by marowak » Thu Aug 08, 2013 10:00 am

Hi Folks,

This may be a bit heavy for a music forum - but I have a lot of friends here and hope that amongst all the fun and games we have - we are also able to reflect on more serious things from time to time.

The post below is a very personal one to me and I am not expecting everyone to read it - but if you do take the time to read it - Thank you ...


Ten years ago today I almost killed myself and over the last few weeks I have allowed myself time to reflect back on the events around that time.

It prompted me to write a short piece on mental illness which has been published on The Calm Zone website.
www.thecalmzone.net

I partially wrote it for me, but more for others who are suffering from mental illness as a way to say - you can get better.

Part of me feels weird saying this but, I'd like people to share this so that we can help others who are going through the pain and suffering I went though.

If the words I have written help just one person feel comforted and that they are not alone, then I feel I have helped.

I have pasted the link below - so if you do want to read the full thing, you can ...


Link - http://www.thecalmzone.net/2013/08/tenyearsago/
06 06.3 08.8
07 04.4 11.5 17.5 08.6 10.11
08 28.3 21.04 13.6 06.7 06.9
09 11.1 06.2 21.4 10.10 29.10
10 23.3 16.7 12.12
11 12.2 12.5 30.5 27.11
12 13.4 28.11 28.12x2
13 10.1 24.6 11.7 12.7
14 12.2 13.2 14.9 17.12
15 29.1 02.2 13.8 7.11
16 10.12 12.12

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tampateri
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by tampateri » Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:29 am

Thank you for sharing this. I think this is important for people without mental illness to read, also. People don't understand what others go through and write-ups like this certainly help.

martyn
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by martyn » Thu Aug 08, 2013 2:17 pm

Very interesting post. Thank you for sharing.

Agreed there is alot of stigma and misconception about mental ilness about, even though i think somewhere quoted One in five people have or had an episode or condition. Its alot more common than you think.

I think the more people know, the better society as a whole will be with accepting it.

Just my 2 pounds worth

smige2
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by smige2 » Thu Aug 08, 2013 8:28 pm

Great post. I think you're spot on about the greatest comfort being the knowledge that you're not alone in this sort of situation.
22.08.08, 29.10.08, 19.01.09, 07.03.09, 30.08.09, 29.10.09, 24.03.10, 19.06.10, 19.07.10, 10.12.10, 21.04.11, 27.05.11, 27.11.11, 13.04.12, 25.04.13, 12.09.14, 26.03.15, 29.03.15, 31.07.15, 13.05.17, 14.05.17, 29.07.17, 12.05.18, 03.02.19, 14.07.19

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darlenet.
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by darlenet. » Thu Aug 08, 2013 8:53 pm

Thanks for having the courage and confidence to post this. There is a special someone that I am going to give this to. Without prying, I was curious how your music served you during this time? Did it provide comfort and clarity for you? Or was it more of an outlet for pent up feelings?

Be well,

Darlene
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shows? 90 so far...

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marowak
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by marowak » Thu Aug 08, 2013 9:38 pm

darlenet. wrote:Without prying, I was curious how your music served you during this time?
That is a good question ... The short answer is: at the time it didn't - when I was at my worst I lost interest in everything creative.

Where music did help was in the recovery that followed - after a couple of years I started to write lyrics and songs and it gave me something to focus on again. This is when I was doing acoustic singer /songwriter stuff (pre ATP) and there was a particular album I wrote which was my document to the years before.

Now-a-days music is def one of those things that does keep me grounded - having a creative output and something to focus on (alongside wife, baby, work etc) keeps me self motivated and happy.
06 06.3 08.8
07 04.4 11.5 17.5 08.6 10.11
08 28.3 21.04 13.6 06.7 06.9
09 11.1 06.2 21.4 10.10 29.10
10 23.3 16.7 12.12
11 12.2 12.5 30.5 27.11
12 13.4 28.11 28.12x2
13 10.1 24.6 11.7 12.7
14 12.2 13.2 14.9 17.12
15 29.1 02.2 13.8 7.11
16 10.12 12.12

Gleena
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by Gleena » Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:11 pm

Thank you for your post, Marowak. I read it and I forwarded it to my best friend, who was hospitalised twice last year for mental health issues.

I'm very glad you came through the other side.
Yank at large, hiding in London
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Bella
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by Bella » Sat Aug 10, 2013 11:41 pm

Thank you for posting this - I wish more people shared, so that more people would know they are not alone.

Bella
x
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sarahg
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by sarahg » Sun Aug 11, 2013 1:56 pm

I really found your account interesting, I have great respect for your openness. Thank you. xx

moomin
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by moomin » Sun Aug 11, 2013 3:40 pm

Have you found people to be accepting when you have told them about it?
I had a doctor recently purposely not put anxiety or depression and instead put stress and exhaustion on my notes so it wouldn't reflect badly to my employer, so I have found stigma to still be a big thing even with a well know mental illness like depression.

My biggest corner turned was the realisation that depression will be with me all my life, it wouldn't be something I would suddenly get over. The freedom this has given me has been incredible as I know I can deal with it, that any relapse into the pit isn't me failing it is just part and parcel of who I am, and being able now to take the knowledge with me that I do have the strength to climb back out, or wait it out. That felt like being let off the hook in a huge way.

as a side, I am quite glad you didn't succeed in ending it
x

Pete
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by Pete » Mon Aug 12, 2013 10:06 am

moomin wrote: as a side, I am quite glad you didn't succeed in ending it
x
Err... I'm sorry... Quite glad?!
frank wrote:Think of it like weight-lifting. High notes are heavy weights.

sarahg
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by sarahg » Mon Aug 12, 2013 10:22 am

I am taking a deep breath, as I was too chicken to ask before now.. I sometimes get a weird out of body feeling..I want to kill myself, but can look at myself objectively and know that this will pass...but I fantasize about ways to end the torment. I told the Dr and was put on antidepressants. My husband does not know I get this bad. I don't know if I should tell him? Did you tell people, did it help? I am ok at the moment by the way!!! Thank you xx

moomin
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by moomin » Mon Aug 12, 2013 12:00 pm

Pete wrote:
moomin wrote: as a side, I am quite glad you didn't succeed in ending it
x
Err... I'm sorry... Quite glad?!
don't want to get too over emotional about the whole thing that would just be icky

moomin
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by moomin » Mon Aug 12, 2013 12:14 pm

sarahg wrote:I am taking a deep breath, as I was too chicken to ask before now.. I sometimes get a weird out of body feeling..I want to kill myself, but can look at myself objectively and know that this will pass...but I fantasize about ways to end the torment. I told the Dr and was put on antidepressants. My husband does not know I get this bad. I don't know if I should tell him? Did you tell people, did it help? I am ok at the moment by the way!!! Thank you xx
You know your relationship better than anyone else so it is your call but I would personally like to believe if I was married I would be able to tell them that sometimes I hit a rocky patch.
I haven't found telling people to be all that helpful but I know in a lot of cases it does help immensely as you no longer feel quite so alone. However I am not in a serious relationship and didn't have the right counselor, so I didn't have anyone around me who was close enough for me to tell. So I would say horses for courses.

I made a pact with myself in my teens when the first big one struck that the only failure that was worth a damn was to fail at life. Everything else was cherries and icing. It has served me well enough.

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marowak
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Re: 10 years ago - a post about mental illness

Post by marowak » Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:57 pm

sarahg wrote:I don't know if I should tell him? Did you tell people, did it help? I am ok at the moment by the way!!! Thank you xx
I'd tell people close to you ... I get bouts of feeling utterly awful still - but on the whole I do things to make sure I do not get that way - exercise - not get over stressed or let things build up - etc etc

I had a REALLY dark period a few xmas's ago in which I hid in a dark room and could not talk to anyone for a week or so. I was up at my in-laws and it was horrid ... My wife knows me quite well and is understanding of these times. If the people around you are not fully aware - its better to tell them than to try and hide it away.

I now see having depressive or anxious periods the same as hurting your hand or cutting your leg - if it hurts or is painful - you let people know.
06 06.3 08.8
07 04.4 11.5 17.5 08.6 10.11
08 28.3 21.04 13.6 06.7 06.9
09 11.1 06.2 21.4 10.10 29.10
10 23.3 16.7 12.12
11 12.2 12.5 30.5 27.11
12 13.4 28.11 28.12x2
13 10.1 24.6 11.7 12.7
14 12.2 13.2 14.9 17.12
15 29.1 02.2 13.8 7.11
16 10.12 12.12

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