The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

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Cassie
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Cassie » Thu Aug 22, 2013 3:37 pm

Bella wrote:He didn't get it at first - apparently when you catch the love of your life in bed with someone else you are supposed to scream, rant, rave, threaten, and then never speak to them again. About eighteen months after this he came for a visit (not the first, wasn't the last either) and told me that he finally understood what I meant. He was so sorry for not believing me at the time, he should have known better. It was a combination of things that made him realize ... the fact i never tried to kiss him or sleep with him after that, that I stayed in touch, that I helped him out with a few things, that I treated him as a person (rather than a cheating scumbag) just as I always had.
Thanks for sharing Bella. It is so weird, at first I was totally calm. We are still living together and trying to figure out what to do. I have treated him very well, with one exception, a terrible blow up last week. And he is actually baffled that I care about his well being at all. I still don't know if it will be possible to forgive and move on, but in the meantime it's actually kind of amusing to see him look at me like I'm from outer space every time I do something nice for him. But I told him that he is one of my oldest friends and I wanted this to be amicable.

I don't know how a person knows if they are truly in love. When you've been married your entire adult life, you stop asking that question. You're just involved with life, and love or no love you're happy to have a partner to wade through the muck with and I think sometimes the partnership gets confused for love, so you just accept that as love. I don't know if I'm even capable of the storybook love that other people talk about. You say you fell "deeply in love" with the man that is your husband. You may have a superpower I don't. Capacity for trust. I am pretty sure I have an impenetrable wall around my heart (distrust that just knew this would probably happen one day) that will never allow what other people know as love. ...don't worry I'm considering counseling. :|

p.s. Thanks to Gleena and moonin for your thoughtful responses. I'm trying not to see my marriage as a huge waste, but it's hard to not think of the life I would have had if I'd been alone. Alone doesn't scare me as much as complacency.

Pete
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Pete » Thu Aug 22, 2013 4:20 pm

Queue in the barbers means a long weekend with massive chops. FML
frank wrote:Think of it like weight-lifting. High notes are heavy weights.

Evan
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Evan » Thu Aug 22, 2013 4:25 pm

Pete wrote:Queue in the barbers means a long weekend with massive chops. FML

I feel ya, bruv. My hair is diabolical right now.
Beverley, Birmingham, Blackheath, Boston, Cheltenham, Dublin, Donington, Guildford, Hatfield, Hoboken, Knebworth, Latitude, Leamington Spa, London, Manchester, New York, Nottingham, Oxford, Reading, Sayreville, Sheffield, Southend, Wembley, Wolverhampton.

Pete
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Pete » Thu Aug 22, 2013 4:36 pm

I think the same of mine but then wondered how can one know when hair is truly diabolical
frank wrote:Think of it like weight-lifting. High notes are heavy weights.

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Blonde
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Blonde » Fri Aug 23, 2013 7:26 am

Isn't diabolical hair standard for you two? I'm guessing you guys didn't realise this. I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

Iwillnotgrowup
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Iwillnotgrowup » Fri Aug 23, 2013 10:05 am

2 days ago my ex wife told me that she is moving 250 miles away with my 3 year old daughter.... That's pretty shit!!

drinkthesunshinezine
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by drinkthesunshinezine » Fri Aug 23, 2013 10:37 am

I bashed my little finger whilst moving logs in the garden - the nail has gone blue. There goes my chance of finishing the laminate flooring in the living room today. Life is hard.
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Blonde
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Blonde » Fri Aug 23, 2013 11:57 am

I am hungover. My pain au chocolat tastes like peas.

moomin
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by moomin » Fri Aug 23, 2013 2:56 pm

Pete wrote:Queue in the barbers means a long weekend with massive chops. FML
I guess a hair cut would be a good place to start

Image

Cassie
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Cassie » Fri Aug 23, 2013 4:08 pm

Iwillnotgrowup wrote:2 days ago my ex wife told me that she is moving 250 miles away with my 3 year old daughter.... That's pretty shit!!
I don't know the laws where you live but here you can't move outside 150 miles with the child. Talk to a lawyer about keeping her close.

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Bella
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Bella » Fri Aug 23, 2013 10:01 pm

Cassie wrote: You say you fell "deeply in love" with the man that is your husband. You may have a superpower I don't. Capacity for trust.


..don't worry I'm considering counseling. :|

p.s. Thanks to Gleena and moonin for your thoughtful responses. I'm trying not to see my marriage as a huge waste, but it's hard to not think of the life I would have had if I'd been alone. Alone doesn't scare me as much as complacency.

Thank you!

my trust of other people - even both of the men I fell in love with (lucky or unlucky - still don't know about that for sure) has got me into some trouble over the years. I have tried to show that I trust the other person by allowing them to be themselves, and by giving them a chance to .. come clean? confess? make things right?

Sometimes it works (in my experience that's how you can tell if they care for you - if they care and they realize how much they are hurting you they will stop, because you are more important to them than whatever the thing is they are lying/cheating/deceiving you over)

and sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't that when (this is one of those do as I say not as I do type things ;-) ) you need to really think about the person doing this to you - is your friendship/marriage/relationship worth the pain?

And the ONLY person that can answer that is you.

As regards counseling - very worth while. just make sure that you and your counselor are suited to each other and you have a good idea what you want from it and what your goals are so you recognize when you don't need it anymore.

i know from experience that trying to move on, and not see the previous years as a waste can be much easier said than done (been, done that, on several counts!) but hopefully counseling in some form (even if rather than actually go to counseling you choose what I like to call "Gig Therapy" ;-) will help you look forward rather than back.

hope things start to sort themselves out for you.

Take care

Bella
x
1084 Kilkenny, 1088 Dublin, 1139 Newport, 1255 Frome, 1301 Southampton, 1303 Bath, 1307 Cork, 1308 Galway, 1310 Dublin, 1324 Dublin. Manchester, Leeds, Bristol, Birmingham, Southampton, 2000 Trees Cave, 2000 Trees Main Stage...many...lots

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Bella
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Bella » Fri Aug 23, 2013 10:06 pm

So... on the way out the door to the Hatfield gig I got my foot wrapped up in the cable for my laptop and pulled it over onto the floor. Its had a dodgy charger jack for a little while but I think I have actually killed it this time...

I just need enough charge to read my mail and leave enough for the IT guys to do data retrieval for me...

HELP!!!!

OK - so if i hold the laptop like so... and the charger cable .. ummm.. hang on.... yep... no... yep.... no... yep.... arrrghhhhhh NOOoooooooo hang on...... like this... and don't breathe - its charging!!

WOOOT!

runs off to get back up drive.... realizes I just let go the cable....

ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


PANTS!

Bella
x
1084 Kilkenny, 1088 Dublin, 1139 Newport, 1255 Frome, 1301 Southampton, 1303 Bath, 1307 Cork, 1308 Galway, 1310 Dublin, 1324 Dublin. Manchester, Leeds, Bristol, Birmingham, Southampton, 2000 Trees Cave, 2000 Trees Main Stage...many...lots

SB
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by SB » Sat Aug 24, 2013 3:10 am

This week I missed taking my boys in a camper van to Warwick Castle, missed taking them to Alton Tower's for Felix's birthday, missed seeing some of my best friends, and seeing Frank, in Hatfield and it's looking like I'm going to be unable to take the boys on holiday to France next week and that I'll lose the money.

Oh, and I haven't said anything on FB or Twitter (those who know me, sorry, I wasn't going to say anything but needed to get it off my chest - and as VB said, this is a safe place) but my liver was enlarged with a 'shadow' on it on my ultrasound. So now they're questioning whether I have secondaries from the cancer I was treated for last year. My spinal demyelination could also be a part of that. So, yeah, that's shit. I have a PET scan & MRI booked but it's a long weekend so who knows. Part of me just wants to get the good painkillers and take my gorgeous boys on holiday - they bloody deserve it.

As for all the love-issues; I really feel for you all. Being able to trust again is the hardest thing in the world. And when you've been in love and thought it was forever it is so hard to feel that way again without thinking 'but...'

But love is worth it. And every love we have, romantic or platonic, teaches us and grows our hearts. So time spent loving is never wasted - even if that love ends. But when you've built a home, built a life, with someone starting again is so incredibly difficult. You sound so strong, though, so I am certain you will be more than fine: you will be amazing.

Xx

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darlenet.
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by darlenet. » Sat Aug 24, 2013 3:49 am

SB wrote:Oh, and I haven't said anything on FB or Twitter (those who know me, sorry, I wasn't going to say anything but needed to get it off my chest - and as VB said, this is a safe place) but my liver was enlarged with a 'shadow' on it on my ultrasound. So now they're questioning whether I have secondaries from the cancer I was treated for last year. My spinal demyelination could also be a part of that. So, yeah, that's shit. I have a PET scan & MRI booked but it's a long weekend so who knows. Part of me just wants to get the good painkillers and take my gorgeous boys on holiday - they bloody deserve it.
Well that just fucking sucks! I deleted five platitudes I tried to write to comfort you.....But, well, yeah, this just sucks. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Sending the most positive wishes and thoughts your way.

darlene.
shows? 90 so far...

Gleena
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Re: The "Everything Is Shit" Thread

Post by Gleena » Sat Aug 24, 2013 5:51 am

SB wrote:This week I missed taking my boys in a camper van to Warwick Castle, missed taking them to Alton Tower's for Felix's birthday, missed seeing some of my best friends, and seeing Frank, in Hatfield and it's looking like I'm going to be unable to take the boys on holiday to France next week and that I'll lose the money.

Oh, and I haven't said anything on FB or Twitter (those who know me, sorry, I wasn't going to say anything but needed to get it off my chest - and as VB said, this is a safe place) but my liver was enlarged with a 'shadow' on it on my ultrasound. So now they're questioning whether I have secondaries from the cancer I was treated for last year. My spinal demyelination could also be a part of that. So, yeah, that's shit. I have a PET scan & MRI booked but it's a long weekend so who knows. Part of me just wants to get the good painkillers and take my gorgeous boys on holiday - they bloody deserve it.

As for all the love-issues; I really feel for you all. Being able to trust again is the hardest thing in the world. And when you've been in love and thought it was forever it is so hard to feel that way again without thinking 'but...'

But love is worth it. And every love we have, romantic or platonic, teaches us and grows our hearts. So time spent loving is never wasted - even if that love ends. But when you've built a home, built a life, with someone starting again is so incredibly difficult. You sound so strong, though, so I am certain you will be more than fine: you will be amazing.

Xx
Oh, Suze. That's just shit. So much shit. :( I'm sorry.
Yank at large, hiding in London
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Shows: 32 in five countries and on the ocean.

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